Happy Halloween-month everyone! No I’m not one of those people who starts celebrating holidays in advance – but I thought it would be great to theme the rest of articles this month around the holiday so many other people love!
Just a house keeping note, you all may have noticed the site’s been very busy as of late. I’m most certainly going to try and maintain that but Inspyre and I will be having some life changes coming up, so we may not be as consistent.
As usual, if any one has any comments, questions or article ideas, please feel free to comment below or contact us directly!
Today, we’ll be talking about the history of PUMPKIN PIE (my favorite dessert). The first pumpkins were cultivated in 5500 BC in Central America, making it one of the original American vegetables. Due to it’s age, it was one of the first vegetables that explorers to the Americas took back to Europe . By the late 1500s, the English were calling them “pumpions” and the French, “pompon”, both references to it’s roundness. Though original visitors to the Americas during this time may have been familiar with the vegetable, it most certainly did not gain popularity until much later.
As many Americans and Canadians are taught at a young age, when the countries were originally settled back in the 1600s, the Pilgrims and Natives shared….varying relationships depending on the location – more often than not, incredibly violent. When the first winter came around, and many Pilgrims died or realized they were going to shortly thereafter without help, relations improved. Legend goes that the Natives brought pumpkins for the pilgrims as a sign of good faith and to provide them with the necessary nutrients . Pumpkins are not only native to the Americas, but the Natives were fond of boiling or roasting members of the squash family for sustenance.
Eventually, the discovery of the pumpkin made its way to France, where Francois Pierre la Varenne wrote a cookbook that has the first written recipe of pumpkin pie included . This cookbook’s English translation made it’s way back to the Americas and Britain where the recipe began to evolve. In the late 1600s, a variety of British cookbooks began showing up with a different variations of what they call “pumpion pie”, and finally in the 1700s, the first American cookbook by Amelia Simmons was published, whose Pumpkin pudding recipe largely resembles our recipe today.
Amelia Simmons recipes :
Pompkin Pudding No. 1. One quart stewed and strained, 3 pints cream, 9 beaten eggs, sugar, mace, nutmeg and ginger, laid into paste No. 7 or 3, and with a dough spur, cross and chequer it, and baked in dishes three quarters of an hour.
Pompkin Pudding No. 2. One quart of milk, 1 pint pompkin, 4 eggs, molasses, allspice and ginger in a crust, bake 1 hour.
If you’re looking for a more modern recipe, I HIGHLY recommend either a Costco Pumpkin Pie or this recipe from Food Network !
1 1/4 cups all purpose flour
2 teaspoons sugar
1/8 teaspoon salt
1/2 cup cold butter (1 stick), diced
1 large egg, lightly beaten
Flour for rolling the dough
One 15-ounce can unsweetened pure pumpkin puree (about 2 cups)
3/4 cup packed light brown sugar
3 eggs, lightly beaten
1 1/4 cups half-and-half
1 1/2 teaspoons ground cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon ground ginger
1/2 teaspoon ground allspice
1/4 teaspoon freshly ground nutmeg
- Make the dough by hand. In a medium bowl, whisk together the flour, sugar, and salt. Using your fingers, work the butter into the dry ingredients until it resembles yellow corn meal mixed with bean-sized bits of butter. (If the flour/butter mixture gets warm, refrigerate it for 10 minutes before proceeding.) Add the egg and stir the dough together with a fork or by hand in the bowl. If the dough is dry, sprinkle up to a tablespoon more of cold water over the mixture.
- Alternatively, make the dough in a food processor. With the machine fitted with the metal blade, pulse the flour, sugar, and salt until combined. Add the butter and pulse until it resembles yellow corn meal mixed with bean-sized bits of butter, about 10 times. Add the egg and pulse 1 to 2 times; don’t let the dough form into a ball in the machine. (If the dough is very dry add up to a tablespoon more of cold water.) Remove the bowl from the machine, remove the blade, and bring the dough together by hand.
- Form the dough into a disk, wrap with plastic wrap, and refrigerate until thoroughly chilled, at least 1 hour.
- On a lightly floured surface, roll the dough with a rolling pin into a 12-inch circle about 1/8-inch thick. Transfer the dough to a 9-inch pie pan and trim the edges, leaving about an extra inch hanging over the edge. Tuck the overhanging dough underneath itself to form a thick edge that is even with the rim. Flute the edge as desired. Freeze the pie shell for 30 minutes.
- Set separate racks in the center and lower third of oven and preheat to 400 degrees F. Put a piece of parchment paper or foil over the pie shell and fill with dried beans or pie weights. Bake on a baking sheet on the center rack until the dough is set, about 20 minutes. Remove from the oven and lift sides of the parchment paper to remove the beans. Continue baking until the pie shell is lightly golden brown, about 10 more minutes. Cool on a rack.
- Lower the oven temperature to 350 degrees F.
- While the pie shell is cooling make the filling. In a large bowl, whisk together the pumpkin, brown sugar, eggs, half-and-half, spices, and salt until smooth. Return the pie shell to the baking sheet and pour in the filling.
- Bake on the lower oven rack until the edges of the filling are set but the center is still slightly loose, about 50 to 60 minutes. (If the edges get very dark, cover them with aluminum foil.) Cool on a rack. Serve room temperature or slightly warm.
Well I hope you all enjoyed our Yummy article, and feel free to leave comments below!
After a long hiatus, we’re doing another baked history article! Today, we’re doing an article on the mysterious beginnings of the Tiramisu, an international favorite. The word Tiramisu is Italian for “pick me up”, most likely an ode to the coffee component, and the oldest recipes refer to it as “Tirime su” or “Tirime on”. Layered desserts aren’t very popular in Italy, so this definitely stands out as a dessert. There’s a lot of disagreement on the particular region that the dessert originates from, but it could be anywhere from Treviso to Tolmezzo to San Canzian D’Isonzo to Tuscany to Torino . Basically, everyone has their own claim to the famous dessert! What we do know is that the dessert is a more recent invention, coming to the Italian public eye somewhere around the 1950s.
There’s a variety of stories with how Tiramisu was created. What’s clear is that this is a “restaurant” recipe, and not a familial one. The stories vary anywhere from a restaurant creating a similar recipe, and then somehow, over time the credit was “stolen” from them to an energy-giving treat for prostitutes working in an Italian brothel in the 1950s. Each region seems to have its own “indisputable” proof as well that they were the first to create it.
Treviso claims the recipe is theirs, having been created in the restaurant “Le Beccherie” in the 1970s by Ada Campeol, who created the recipe to give herself energy after giving birth to her son . (The restaurant closed inn 2014 due to an economic crisis). The region already had a dessert “zabaglione custard”, which may have been the inspired beginnings to tiramisu itself. The zabaglione was inspired by the “Zabaja”, having existed since the 1700s. In his book, gastronome Maffioli says, “The groom’s bachelor friends at the end of the long wedding banquet, maliciously teasing, gave him a big bottle of zabajon before the couple retired to guarantee a successful and prolonged honeymoon.” . “The zabajon,” Maffioli continues, “sometimes had whipped cream added, but in this case was served very cold, almost frozen, and accompanied by baicoli, small thin Venetian cookies invented in the 1700’s by a baker in the Santa Margherita suburb of Venice.”
Author and blogger, Anna Maria Volpi has provided this original recipe from the Le Beccherie, which she found in a Spring 1981 Vin Veneto magazine article.
Original recipe: 
12 egg yolks
1 lb 2 oz (½ kg) sugar
2 lb 4 oz (1 kg) mascarpone cheese
60 ladyfinger (savoiardi) cookies
Espresso coffee, as necessary
Cocoa powder, as necessary
She resized the recipe to fit in a 8 inch x 8 inch x 2 inch pan:
1 -1/2 cups (360 cc) espresso coffee
2 teaspoons sugar
4 egg yolks
1/2 cup (100 g) sugar
1 lb (450 g) mascarpone cheese at room temperature
30 savoiardi (ladyfinger cookies)
2 tablespoons bitter cocoa powder
1. Prepare a strong espresso coffee, about 1½ cups (360 cc). Dissolve 2 teaspoons of sugar in it while the coffee is still hot. Let the coffee cool to room temperature.
2. Beat the egg yolks and sugar in a bowl until they become light and fluffy.
3. Combine the mascarpone cheese
4. Dip half of the ladyfingers in the coffee and place them in the pan in a single layer.
5. Spread half of the mascarpone cream on the cookies
6. Dip the remaining ladyfingers in the coffee and place them in the pan in a second layer layer.
7. Spread the remaining mascarpone cream on the cookies.
8. Sprinkle with the cocoa powder and refrigerate for about 3 – 4 hours.
In Tolmezzo, however, there’s a very different story. They claim that there are not one, but two official recipes. .
The first is a classic recipe created in Hotel Roma di Tolmezzo by cook Norma Pielli. Tolmezzo claims the irrefutable evidence is a receipt dated December 13, 1959! The second is called “Vetturino Tirime su Cup” created by chef Mario Cosolo of Al Vetturino restaurant in Pieris, near San Canzian D’Isonzo, dating back to the 1940s. This second recipe, shockingly doesn’t include the ingredients we know and love today, but instead, sponge cake, marsala wine and cocoa!
The hotel Roma has been around since the 1880s, and in the 1950s was being managed by Bepi del Fabbro and his wife Norma Pielli. The dessert was originally proposed to “To cheer me up a little and to crow the flors” (respectively, the coffee and at the time, zucchini flowers in the recipe!). The recipe was so popular, it became a mandatory stops for skiers coming down the mountains. According to legend, residents from the town of Trieste suggested changing the name of the dessert to Trancia to Mascarpone to Tirime on (in the Trieste dialect, this means “pull me up”).
In Norma Pielli’s diary : “Tiramisu. Ingredients: 4 whole eggs, 300 gr. of white sugar, 500 gr. of mascarpone, 40/45 biscuits biscuits, 300 cc. of bitter and strong coffee left to cool, 100 gr. sprinkling of bitter cocoa. Prepare coffee (moka or espresso) in advance and let it cool. Place 3 egg whites in a bowl and whisk them with a pinch of salt. With a whisk, beat the 3 egg yolks and the whole egg together with the sugar then, using a spatula, add the mascarpone and mix slowly from bottom to top to form a cream. Finally add the whipped egg whites and mix everything by mixing very slowly, from the bottom up, not to remove the cream. On the flat bottom of a bowl or a baking dish lay a layer of ladyfingers, soaked in coffee, drained and lightly squeezed with a fork to remove excess liquid. On the layer of ladyfingers spread a layer equal to half of the prepared cream. Then spread over it a second layer of ladyfingers, soaked and treated like the previous ones. Spread over the remaining cream. Put the cake in the fridge for 12 hours and taste it after having dusted it with bitter cocoa with a colander.“
In 2013, daughters of Chef Mario Cusolo claim they found important evidence that their father is definitively the inventor of the dessert. In the storeroom of their house, daughters Gianna and Flavia found a portfolio containing photos that confirmed the Vetturino Cup had turned into “Tireme su” right after the 2nd World War . The portfolio contained photos and a poster, which has unfortunately not stayed in tact. The photos, however, show the poster displayed in the background of the restaurant. The photo is from the marriage of Tiberio Mitri and Fulvia Franco in 1950, and the poster states “The Tirime on created by Mario is worth more than what it costs” (note the usage of the Tirime on instead of su). The Cosolos also point to an article written in 1975 by Giorgio Mistretta, in “La Buona Tavola”, where he states “In addition to the many specialties already mentioned, it deserves a separate mention of the ‘tirame su’ served at dessert: it is a semifreddo made with zabaglione created in 1935 and the progenitor of a whole family of ‘tirame su’ that you can meet today in the Friuli restaurants” (translated from Italian).
For 8 cups :
For the sponge cake :
sugar (equal to the weight of 4 eggs with shell)
flour (equal to the weight of 3 eggs with shell)
baking powder ½ sachet (Author’s note: I’ve translated this as a total of 8g) 
the grated rind of 1 lemon.
For creams :
6 egg yolks
8-9 tablespoons of sugar
1 liter of liquid cream
80 ml of dry Marsala (a wine)
2-3 tablespoons of bitter cocoa.
In addition : dry Marsala for the bagna (Author’s note: this means bathing) as needed, bitter cocoa for dusting as needed
Sponge cake : in a bowl break 5 whole eggs and with electric whips mount them by adding the amount of sugar equal to the weight of 4 eggs with the shell. Beat for a long time until a swollen and fluffy mixture is obtained. Incorporate, sieving little by little, the flour , whose weight is equal to that of 3 eggs, together with half a packet of yeast and a pinch of salt (or half flour and half potato flour or frumina). Perfume with the grated peel of a lemon. Pour into a mold and bake at 160 ° / 170 ° C for 30/40 minutes. Remove from the oven and allow to cool.
Creams : in a bowl with a concave bottom, whisk very well, with electric whips, 6 egg yolks with 6 tablespoons of sugar: when it becomes a nice clear froth, 80 ml of dry Marsala are added, one spoon at a time. The container is placed in a warm bain-marie placed on low heat and continuing to whisk with a hand whisk, always in the same direction, the eggnog is thickened. When it is well swollen, ie at the first boil, it is extracted from the bain-marie, allowed to cool and then placed in the refrigerator. Add a liter of fresh cream, with a high percentage of fat (at least 60-70%). Sift 2 or 3 tablespoons of bitter cocoa powder together with 2 or 3 tablespoons of sugar and mix in small doses to 400 g of whipped cream. Return immediately to the refrigerator. This cream can be made by replacing cocoa powder with melted dark chocolate and warmed. With a hand whisk gently incorporate the eggnog to the remaining whipped cream: the cream should be full-bodied and light in taste.
Prepare the cups . Place the chocolate cream on the bottom of each (about half cup); above is placed a square of sponge cake soaked in Marsala; then it is covered to the brim with the zabaione cream. Decorate the surface using a sac-à-poche with a 10 mm curly nozzle. Finally sprinkle with plenty of cocoa. Store in the refrigerator for a few hours. This dessert should be savored “vertically”, collecting all the layers of the cup with a spoon.
And who could forget Tuscany? More precisely in Siena , where on the occasion of a visit by the Grand Duke Cosimo III de ‘Medici was invented a sweet called “soup of the duke” or “Zuppa del Duca” . The dish was successful particularly among courtesans, who found it both stimulating and an aphrodisiac, enjoying it before their “trysts”. The dessert shares some characteristics to the current tiramisu . However, there are some discrepancies in this legend because both the sponge biscuits and the mascarpone were little used in the Sienese pastry between the seventeenth and eighteenth centuries. Marscapone, in particular, could hardly be preserved and transported quickly from Lombardy to Tuscany.
And finally, Torino. The legend says that during the unification of Italy a famous pastry chef prepared a special, potent dessert for Prime Minister Cavour, something that would sustain him in his difficult work of unifying the Italian peninsula. The coffee and liqueur mixture helped perk him up . At the time, however, food preservation wasn’t great, to say the least, which presents the same problems as the Tuscan legend.
Torino Tiramisu 
3 egg Yolks
¼ cup Heavy Cream
½ cup Sugar
1 tsp. Marsala
½ cup Mascarpone
9 tbsp. Espresso (regular coffee can be used too)
3 tbsp. Kahlua
50 g Lady Fingers
- Whisk the egg yolks and sugar in a heat-proof bowl set over a pot of boiling water for a few minutes, until cream is formed and sugar is slightly dissolved. Whisk in marsala, continue to beat for a minute or so, and then take off heat. Let sit to cool.
- In an electric mixer fitted with a whisk attachment, whip the cream until stiff peaks form.
- In a larger bowl, fold the mascarpone into the egg yolk cream.
- The mascarpone is folded into the egg cream.
- Fold in the whipped cream.
- Fold the creams together.
- In a small bowl, mix the kahlua and espresso together.
- Crack 1 & 1/2 lady fingers into a small cup.
- Lay out your cups. I like to use these little espresso cups. Tiramisu is rich, so it’s the perfect portion!
- Pour coffee mixture over lady fingers until submerged.
- Pipe the cream on top.
- Dust with cocoa powder.
Well I hope you all enjoyed this special, way-longer-than-I-thought-it-would-be article about Tiramisu!
If you have any questions, or suggestions for the future, please don’t forget to comment below or contact us directly!
4. Giuseppe Maffioli, Il ghiottone Veneto (The Venetian Glutton). 1968.
Welcome back everyone!
Today, we went to the Bletchley. If you’re familiar with the movie “The Imitation Game” starring Benedict Cumberbatch, this is where it all took place. Bletchley is considered the home of famous cryptologist and father of the modern computer, Alan Turing, during WWII. I would say this is a must-see for any computer nerds, cryptologists, or WWII junkies.
On Sept. 3, we woke up at 6am, ate breakfast downstairs and headed off to the tube across the street. We took it from Gloucester Road to Green Park and transferred onto the Victoria Line all the way to Euston station. We got there at about 8:00 which is when we bought tickets for “National Rail System” Train where we took the London Midlands Line all the way to Bletchley Park (BP). That took about an hour and we arrived at 9:30 to the station, which was literally a 5 minute walk to the Bletchley campus.
BP was absolutely amazing. First of all, the estate is sprawling, which is interesting because it’s essentially an expanded farmhouse. Inspyre and I had anticipated there wouldn’t be THAT much to do there (we were still under the impression it was just a farmhouse), but we were sorely mistaken. We were there from opening to closing (5:30 pm) and I would argue we still didn’t get to see all the exhibits we wanted to. We did take a tour of the grounds, but the tours fill up VERY fast.
***A word of advice: Sign up for your assigned tour first thing in the morning, and then have lunch right after the tour is done.
You can spend the rest of the day seeing the exhibits on your own time. That being said, we were going from exhibit to exhibit so much, we actually skipped lunch.
***A word of advice: Don’t skip lunch. With all the walking, I only noticed when I almost fainted.
By the time we did notice, it was tea time, and the restaurants on campus had stopped serving entrees.
We left BP at 530, boarded our train back home, and I promptly fell asleep, pretty much not walking up until we got back to the hotel. I ended up taking a 3 hour nap until about 9:30, which basically killed the rest of the day. I recommend NOT doing that. Drink plenty of coffee instead.
Tomorrow, Inspyre and I go on our first planned day tour – Stonehenge, Bath and Strattford-upon-Avon!
Be sure to leave your comments below, or feel free to contact us with any questions! Thanks and see you next time!
Hello Lovely Readers,
So a few opening points. Firstly, if there’s something I think readers should absolutely be aware of, it’ll be demarked with “***A word of advice”. Be sure to read those for important tips! Additionally, on every trip we take, we download maps of the cities we’re going to be in in advance. The app is MAPS.ME. This is basically a MANDATORY app. It is SO important and useful. It’s basically the only way to guarantee you won’t waste ages of time getting lost. Please head my advice. Additionally, any photos, unless otherwise noted are my own. Please ask for permission before use. Moving on!
So, Inspyre and I left from LA to England at 8:30 in the morning on American Airlines. Overall, the flight was rather poor with no food or entertainment. There was a 2 hr layover in Philadelphia, at which point we got onto our second, international flight. There was at least in-flight entertainment this time, but the food was some of the worst food we’ve ever eaten. Neither of us could finish it. On the plus side, we did land an hour earlier than anticipated at Heathrow.
***A word of advice: Heathrow is known as one of the busiest airports in the world. That includes the security lines. Be ready for at least an hour of waiting in line, and bring some snacks.
Heathrow is well prepped for tourists and has an entire section after security ready for tourist-y type tickets. Most of the tickets we decided could be purchased through our hotel concierge, so we only bought Oyster Pass tickets at the airport.
***A word of advice: Oyster Pass is basically mandatory if you’re in London. It’s the cities transit system, but most importantly, their Metro. 99% of attractions are available by Metro. GET THE OYSTER PASS.
After getting the Oyster Pass, we immediately used it to take a metro to our hotel on Gloucester Road – Millennium Gardens. When we got there, we were told our room wouldn’t be ready for another 4 hours, which was incredibly inconvenient. We decided to use the time to drop off our luggage with the concierge and wander the city. We decided to wander in the direction of Kensington Palace, which we were a stones throw away from. However, Inspyre, who’s never been international, had jet-lag hit him like a bucket of rocks in about 30 minutes. We headed back to the hotel prematurely, without really having seen anything.
At this point, I informed the reservations desk that we were on our honeymoon, and Inspyre was basically hallucinating from jet-lag. They informed us they could have our room ready in an hour! I convinced Inspyre that we could get some food in the meantime. We went to a Starbucks across the street, and then went directly to Nando’s, which was right next door.
FOOD REVIEW: Nando’s absolutely lives up to it’s international reputation. Although the menu isn’t terribly complex, it has perhaps the best chicken I’ve ever had. Inspyre and I shared chicken thighs, garlic bread and mashed potatoes.
We then headed back to our hotel at 12:15 pm. Not only was our room ready, but because it was our honeymoon, the hotel upgraded us from a Standard room to a Superior room, complementary! Inspyre then proceeded to accidentally sleep for 4.5 hrs.
HOTEL REVIEW: Millennium Gardens was a PERFECT hotel. It is very centrally located, 2 minutes walking from the nearest Metro station, and absolutely beautiful. The staff are incredibly helpful, and in particular the concierge desk is one of the most valuable resources I’ve had on any of my vacations. Furthermore, they even serve breakfast downstairs every morning. Not only was it always delicious, but there was a wide selection in their buffet. 5 star review.
By the time he woke up, it was about 5:30. We went across the street to Nero’s, a very popular coffee shop in Europe, and continued to explore. The first thing we did was find a shop that would sell us a universal adapter for our appliances (laptop, phone, etc.). The store we found was a little hole in the wall, Kensington Communications, that sold it to us for 20 pounds instead of 22, because we paid in cash.
***A word of advice: Bring a universal adapter. Bring cash.
We were close to the palace grounds at this point, so we wandered to Kensington Palace. The palace is known as the last place Princess Diana lived, so the whole place is basically a memorial to her. Inspyre and I decided not to do a tour, as we would rather see one of the palaces that focus more on history than on a single person. Instead we wandered the grounds for hours. By the time we decided to stop, my feet were aching and I felt ready to collapse.
***A word of advice: Wear sneakers. Definitely wear sneakers.
We headed back to the hotel, where our concierge David makes his debut! David was one of most knowledgeable people, I’ve ever met in regards to London. He knew every restaurant, every travel tip, and even customized his recommendations based one what things we liked to do (he was the one who suggested Kensington Palace might not be up our alley). Inspyre asked David for a good Italian restaurant and David recommended Da Mario or Il Borno for Italian food or if we decided on Mediterranean food, MK Market. We settled on Da Mario.
FOOD REVIEW: Da Mario’s was fantastic! We started off appetizers with a buffalo milk Mozzarella Caprese, followed by meals of Inspyre’s pizza and my gluten free Rigatoni da Mario. They had gluten free options for everything on the menu! Inspyre also got some Rosé, and we followed it up with some great Chocolate Sorbet. The whole thing cost about 56 pounds. The restaurant is a little unusual in that theres an upstairs and downstairs level. To get downstairs, there’s a very cramped and tight staircase. But it feels like you’re going into a speakeasy, so it’s not terrible. If you want some authentic Italian food, this is the place to go! 4 stars.
When we got back to the hotel, we bought tickets for “The Big Bus Original Tour” and talked to David about how to get to Bletchley, which was the plan for the next day.
Stay tuned for Day 2, and be sure to comment below!
Hello! So this post comes a bit late, but as many of you are aware, Inspyre and I got married July 2017. In September of 2017, we went on our honeymoon! So if you need any ideas, or have questions about the regions in general, feel free to peruse below, or contact us directly!
The trip will be outlined in a series of articles, that will focus on each location. Inspyre and I left LA, California and flew directly to London, where we stayed for a couple of days. From there, we left for Rome where we began our 7 day cruise around the Mediterranean. The cruise concluded and we spent another couple of days in Rome before ending the adventure of a life time! With this introductory article, we’ll be releasing the London article, with a different location coming out every week!
Thank you to our readers as always and feel free to contact us with any questions. Don’t forget to leave comments in the section below!
Hello My Friends! It’s been a while since we’ve done a proper advice column, but we had a new question come in!
“Hi RB. So there’s this guy at work who I’ve been dating on and off for some time. We both know this isn’t going to work long term, but every time we cut it off, we somehow manage to end up back together. We have great chemistry, but our goals just don’t align. What should I do?”
First of all, thanks for the submission! There’s definitely a lot of moving parts here. Let’s identify those first.
- Someone at work
- On and off again
So in my personal opinion, it’s almost never a good idea to date someone at work, especially someone you come into frequent contact with professionally. I find it’s always helpful to think of a worst case scenario, and in this case that worst case is that you have a blow-up break-up, and the professional relationship is irreparably ruined. That’s a really bad worst case scenario. Now this isn’t going to apply if the individual is someone in a different department, or you don’t have mutual work friends with, it should be fine.
Secondly, the “on-again-off-again” phrase, is always a bad sign. I’m not saying there aren’t exceptions to the rule, but for the most point, this is a bad idea. A personal example of an exception is when me and my now husband starting dating, I had significant commitment issues due to coming out of a series of bad relationships. Therefore the most logical thing for me to do of course (heavy sarcasm here), was to break up before anything got too serious. After some extra consideration, I realized this was a bad choice and I was just running away from my emotions, and we got back together. Fun fact: 1 month later, he proposed.
Now this might bring up the question, why was it ok to get back together? A few things, but most importantly, tying into point 3 we had really great chemistry, professionally, spiritually, personally and every other -ally you can think of. Our long term and short term goals aligned, but I think just as importantly, we had our own interests and had a balanced amount of differences. I would argue this is just as important as the similarities because personally, I don’t want to date myself. It’s important to have different perspectives in life.
In relation to the aforementioned, I once read a fantastic quote: “If you break up, and get back together again, you should both be treating this as a completely new relationship”, and I find myself heartily agreeing. For the most part, when people break up, it’s not on a whim, but because deep down, they know something is wrong. One of those few times the fast emotional response is the correct one. If we give ourselves time, we tend to try to rationalize out any real problems, and convince ourselves we over-reacted (you probably didn’t). If you decide to get back together you’ve decided 1 of 2 things: Either those issues are no longer present or you’ve grown as a person and those issues will no longer bother you. If neither of these apply, or you’re saying any of the following: “If you love someone, you can ignore small problems like that!” or “They’ll change as they get older, this won’t always be a problem,” then I respond with a NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE. Bail hard and keep yourself from talking to this person at all because you’ll likely make a stupid decision. Now that’s a lot about point 2, so let’s move on to point 3. Before I end this, please read our article about the importance of the “Flag System“, and use it to help you rationalize why to not get back together.
Chemistry. It’s a completely illogical force, and usually a force of nature to be reckoned with. There’s not much to say on this other than yes, physical chemistry is important. But that’s really your brain just telling you the other person has bacteria and anti-bodies that you need (pheromones). I know not everyone can do this, but I’ve trained myself to not pay attention to physical appearance at all, because at the end of the day it really has 0 impact except on maybe how much sex you initially have. What you really want to focus on are emotional and mental chemistry. Do you feel emotionally supported? Do you feel better after talking about how your day went with each other? Do you smile and laugh more than usual with this person? Do you feel your conversations are invigorating? Do you feel this person pushes you to be the best version of yourself, intellectually and morally? As general advice, if you answered no to any of the above questions, there needs to be re-evaluation on what’s important to you in a relationship and are you happy? But once you feel you’re emotionally and mentally connected, the physical stuff doesn’t matter. Case in point with a lot of military: See the 1 million stories of a soldier who’s barely alive after countless hours of plastic surgery after a bomb went off, and comes home to have 9 children with spouse. Physical chemistry will always follow after the more important stuff, so don’t worry about that or try to force it.
Hopefully this helps our writer and our other readers as well! If you have a question you’d like to submit, you can always email us at email@example.com. Please don’t forget to comment below!
Hello My Friends! We have an exciting article today about what I call “The Flag System”.
To pique your interest, I’ll describe this as a 100% foolproof way to know when to end any relationship with ease. Interested? Great! Let’s go.
In our everyday life, we as humans are constantly re-evaluating people and wondering if we should continue to maintain the relationship. Hundreds of points and counter-points come into our mind. Sometimes we make the wrong decision after thinking about it for days, and sometimes we make the right decision on a whim. So how are we to know if the decision we made is the right one, long term?
I’m going to preface this by saying one thing that is very important to keep in mind: People hardly change their core principles. That is to say, the ideas that keep us moving on a day to day basis, that we base all of our decisions on, those don’t really change no matter how much time passes. Unless there’s a life changing event, people largely stay the same. So if you break up with someone, or call off a friendship, chances are in a couple of years even, you would face the same problems.
So what is the flag system? It’s a system used to rate an individuals actions in an unbiased way to establish whether a continued relationship is beneficial. As humans, we’ll always try to argue away why a specific action wasn’t that bad. This system takes away your ability to do that.
Based on an individual’s actions, you’ll rate that particular action as a Red, Orange or Yellow Flag. The color can have a corresponding size of “Baby, Medium or Large” if you prefer a more exact system. Now, to assign the color, you can only take a one sentence description of what the individual did, WITHOUT USING THE WORD “BUT”, and you would rate that as though your friend had told you someone did that to them. For example: “My boyfriend cheated on me, but we were in a gray area and he wasn’t sure if we were together and… blah blah blah”. Great story, very touching, but the phrase we’re looking at is “My boyfriend cheated on me”. If you’re trying to give me context on why the sentence isn’t as bad as it sounds, you’ve already answered the question. In this particular case, this is a red flag which means you IMMEDIATELY break up, no questions asked, no conversations to be had. I’ve listed the breakdown of the flag system below. Flag sizes are an optional implementation:
3 Yellow = Break up
3 baby yellows = 1 Big Yellow
2 medium yellows = 1 Big Yellow
2 Orange = Break up
3 baby oranges = 1 Big Orange
2 medium oranges = 1 Big Orange
1 Red = Break up
2 baby reds = 1 Big Red
1 medium red = 1 Big Red
So just to provide a few more examples, what’s a Yellow or Orange look like?
Orange: “My SO told me they had an STD test, but they hadn’t. They told me before we had sex that they hadn’t had the test done and they lied and they were going to go get one done immediately”. This is a clear lie and had the individual not told you the truth, it would have been a red flag. However, because they told you the truth and got the test before you had sex, it means their conscious kicked in. A bad trend that makes you doubt the person, but depending on what traits you place most value on, this may not be grounds for immediate termination. A “slippery slope scenario” lands this in the Orange category.
Yellow: “My friend and I keep making plans to hang out together, but they cancel last minute every time. Most recently, my friend bailed on coming to my wedding.” This is a great example for 2 reasons. One, it illustrates how a small problem can snowball out of control, but two, it shows where there is and isn’t room for leniency. Technically, your friend constantly bailing to hang out isn’t an indicator of a bad friendship or even of needing to cut things off. It’s maybe just very annoying. So you either give yourself some space from the person, or you have a chat. Maybe things don’t improve, that’s a series of small yellow flag, because again, you’re just aggressively annoyed at this point. Then some more important events come up like weddings or baby showers, and they do the same thing. This earns them a big Yellow flag, and now you stop inviting them to events. Now maybe they realize they’ve messed up, and offer to throw you a birthday party, which of course (because people really don’t change like that), they forget to do or its a complete disaster. Well, now they’ve ruined your birthday and that’s another big Yellow flag. You don’t have time to deal with this kind of irresponsibility all the time, so maybe it’s time to terminate the relationship because now you’ve got 3 big Yellow flags. So this shows that a series of seemingly small, insignificant items can snowball into something that exhibits a behavior you just need to get rid of in your life.
I hope this has been helpful! We’ve had a variety of questions come in that get answered using the Flag System, so hopefully, this answers the questions for a lot of our readers! If you still have questions, please don’t hesitate to email us at firstname.lastname@example.org or comment below!